You felt it so strong, but nothing's turned out how you want.

"Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted"

"Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it"

" Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it"

-One Republic

I'm tired of feeling like a failure and I don't know how to change it.

Had a really tough weekend once again. Katie just gets so stressed and once she's done she's done. The whole weekend I was getting her ready for her snookers run hoping to use the other runs to get her ready for it... But Katie did one jump and was done. I cried. I felt like a failure. I've tried everything, short sessions thats are all fun, but she just wont. I frustrates me to see that she can do masters and Nationals courses, but a straight line at a trial is too much. I guess I need to look at it this way, I get stressed too. But I just don't know how to fix it. So, Katie's going into temporary trial retirement. We will be working on Backyard Agility and stress work.

I'm tired of hearing "Bad Dog" and getting people looking at Katie funny. They don't blame me, but I still blame myself... Katie's NOT a bad dog, she's a STRESSED dog. When people say that to her, all I hear is "bad trainer". I trained her, so some of it has to be my fault. I just wish it was different, she has so much potential.